Ever since my birthday Sophie has been obsessed with birthdays and has not quite got that my birthday has come and gone. Out of the blue some days she will just look at me with those big brown eyes and so genuinely say, "Happy Birthday, Mommy". Just yesterday I let her have a cupcake and told her it was a special treat, she was so excited and said "Oooooh special treat, it's Mommy's birthday, Happy Birthday Mommy"! So with Sophie thinking that it is my birthday just about everyday she will sing Happy Birthday almost on a daily basis. I was finally able to capture it on camera and she is getting pretty good, she has the tune down and everything! Check out the little songstress in action.
I am reading this great book called, ScreamFree Parenting, yes the title sounds scary and you might be afraid to pick up the book and read it somewhere where someone might see and think that because of the title of the book that you in fact, scream, at your child, gasp! However, once you can get past the title of the book, it really is a very insightful book. The idea is that not everyone screams at their child but, we all have different ways of "screaming" whether it be avoidance of the issue at hand, giving in, empty threats...the list could go on, but hopefully you get the idea.
So I read this chapter last night on Labels and I will give you a brief excerpt of what I read, so I don't go into way too much detail trying to explain it.
The Power Of Labels
All of us can recall countless stories of the power of labels. Even if they are innocently applied, they become insidiously powerful. The truth is, labels are among the most powerful forces that shape our relationships in the world. Labels have the remarkable ability to stick far beyond their reasonable life span. I'm sure you've heard about the two adult sisters still thinking of themselves as "the pretty one" and "the smart one." With two sons it's usually more like "the athletic one" and "the smart one." These labels affect us all. Each of us could list several that hang on us like the stickiest of Post-it notes. Take a moment now to glance at just a few of the labels parents commonly use. Which ones have you been carrying around all these years?
Gifted
Full of potential
Funny
An underachiever
A little slow
Lazy
High maintentance
Laid back
Strong willed
Beautiful
Melodramatic
The one we never have to worry about
A bit of a troublemaker
Skinny
Big boned
A hard worker
The star
The black sheep
Not all of these labels sound damaging, I know, but trust me they can be. The tricky part about labeling is that often these labels seem accurate. After all, they didn't arrive out of thin air. Labels are typically based on some observant trait or behavioral pattern. But hear this: You are not a prophet. Most likely you are not a biogeneticist. You cannot predict how your children will turn out based on your own intuition or on your family's physical, mental or emotional characteristics.
I thought that this was really important to share, because we all do this, to our children and to other people's children too. I have done this to Sophie whether it is saying it to her or speaking of her to someone, commenting on how "even tempered" or "laid back" she is. As harmless as I think this is, I fail to remember the things I learned throughout my four years of schooling in Child & Family Development and Psychology, and that as she gets older she may think that this how she needs to behave in order to please me or Neal, thinking that she can't act any other way for fear of disappointing.
Often times parents (myself and Neal included), grandparents and other well meaning family members will say things about a child like, "Oh he/she gets _______ from her Daddy" or "She is going to be ___________ just like her Mom" whether or not the blank is filled in with a negative or positive trait the affect that it has on the child can be negative. One thing that really stands out that I learned in school about labels is that they become self fulfilling prophecies for a child, most often times if a child hears themselves described by one statement or phrase long enough they think that it truly does define them and they do become that label.
How do we avoid labels, I don't really know yet, number one I haven't finished the whole chapter yet (hahaha) and personally I think it will be very hard, because often times "labels" are considered a form of praise. We all want to praise our children, because it is just basic human nature that praise reinforces. I don't think we will ever be able to completely avoid labels all together, but one suggestion the author makes is to take the harsh words like "always", "never" and "all the time" out of the phrases and replace them with "can be". So instead of saying that Sophie is, "always so laid back" I can change up the terminology and say that, "she can be laid back at times" giving her the freedom to be different if she wants and not lock her into the "laid back personality". So I guess that I am just going to have to get creative and really focus on what is coming out of my mouth. I realize that this book is not the "end all, be all" book on parenting and I certainly don't take everything in this book as "the word" but it is a good starting point for reflection on my own parenting style and I take what I want from each point the author makes. I just thought that this had relevance and thought I would share.
With Sophie growing and changing everyday Neal and I are beginning to see more and more of a personality emerge and we want to see that continue to grow. We want to do all we can to foster her development and help her become her own person and not just what we want her to be. Parenting is hard, don't ever let anyone tell you different, there are so many do's and don'ts you never know if you are doing the right thing, but it is the hardest job you will EVER love. All we can do is put our best foot forward and try and do better than we did the day before to raise a well adjusted, self directed, happy child.
So last weekend it was snowing, and this weekend my thermometer is reading 80! Seriously?!?! Gotta love North Carolina! We certainly appreciate the 80 degree weather and the snow since we typically don't see much of it in the South, the good part about snow in the South is that it disappears as quickly as it accumulates. With the warm weather making it's debut (hopefully a sign of more permanent nice weather) we headed off to Toys R Us to get Sophie a Sand and Water table, a gift from Auntie Nancy for her birthday, with the intention that once the weather got nice we could go pick the one we wanted for her. Sophie was so excited about the sand table it was all she could talk about on the way to and from the toy store. Once we got home she couldn't wait she kept staring at the box saying, "Open, open, open, open my table please." The table was a huge success and has already provided two whole hours of outdoor entertainment, I had to practically drag her inside for her nap. She is so stoked on the Sand and Water table, I am quite certain that it will be the first thing that she asks for when she wakes up! Thanks Auntie Nancy for the fun she has already had and the fun I know she'll have all summer long!
Before we got all the rain and snow last weekend, Neal made a fire pit in the dirt out back and we roasted marshmallows. We all had a blast especially the little one, who would eat marshmallows until she looked like one! Now that the snow is all gone and things are drying up Neal has "Fire Pit Fever" again and this time decided to make it a little more official instead of just a whole in the dirt. He used some left over pavers we had from the previous owners of the house and carved out a nice little fire pit in the ground. I mean, it is no fire pit out of Southern Living or anything, but you work with what you have and I am pleased to say this little pit cost us zero dollars! I am so proud of him, he did a really nice job and we can't wait to sit by the fire tonight and roast some marshmallows.........you know Sophie will be excited!
Checking out the kids on the box.
Sophie and her "brinebrina" (umbrella)
So excited about the boat.
Informing us we need to put water in.
Thanking Daddy for putting her table together.
The final touch.
Digging in.
Sooooo happy!
Adding the water.
What a goof.
Getting soaked.
Eating lunch on the back deck.
A change of clothing and back to playing!
Helping Daddy out with the fire pit.
Ta-Da!
On Saturday, February 28th we celebrated that I am in fact another year older....that's right folks, I am now 27! My day started with Neal going in to get Sophie and me hearing over Sophie over the monitor, "Oh it's Mommy's Birfday". Then the pitter patter of little feet running full speed into my room and over to where I lay in the bed and her little face right up in mine handing me a hand made card adorned with Princess stickers and the most beautiful artwork you have ever seen followed by a, "Happy Birfday Mommy!" Now if that isn't the best way to start your birthday I don't know what is!
Then we all went down stairs for a pan"cake" breakfast. Neal made us pancakes and put candles in mine, what we didn't realize is that we should have let the pancakes cool a little bit before putting the candles in because the pancakes were so warm they melted the candles! Soon after we got ready for the day and dropped little miss off with my parents bright and early, about 9:15 am, and then headed over to the brand new IKEA! It didn't open until 10am and we got there at 9:45am and the parking lot was already 1/2 to 3/4 full! By 12 when we sat down to have lunch in the cafeteria we could see the cars lined up waiting to get in and people were starting to park on the road! Good thing we got there a little early. I have been so excited to go, ever since Neal mentioned that they were opening a few months ahead of schedule, I planned my own birthday and told him, "We're going to IKEA baby!!!" It was so much fun. I had never ever been to an IKEA before, Neal however grew up with one not too far from him in Pittsburgh, but it had been a while since he had gone to one. It was such a fun day and we got some great deals, I had been saving my Christmas money just for this trip! I pretty much knew what I wanted to get since we received the catalog in the mail, I was able to do some pre-shopping shopping! I ended up with a desk and chair to do my scrap booking and some curtains for the office and our bedroom along with the curtain rod (which is actually curtain wire, check out the pictures!!). After about 4 hours of roaming IKEA we decided to call it quits and head back to my parent's house. We had some Chinese take out for dinner (my fave) and cupcakes, which Sophie loved, I do believe her favorite holiday or day to celebrate is birthdays! All day long and the day before and the day after she kept saying, "Happy Birfday, Mommy!" and "It's Mommy's Birfday". She is so sweet. Now I am trying to explain to her that it is not my birthday anymore. All in all it was a wonderful day, I am truly blessed to have such a wonderful family. Thank you everyone who sent cards, gifts, text messages and called with well wishes, it means a lot that you all were thinking of me!
So excited about my new veggie chopper, no more tears when cutting onions! YAY!
My new scrap booking area!!!!
Love it!
We hung the curtain wire from the ceiling to add length to the room, we LOVE it!!!
It's official Sophie's new baby cousin has a middle name! Her full name is Gabriella Michelle Goes. My cousin's hubby Nelson has set up a new blog page with some cute pics of Gabriella and some really adorable video of Braedon holding his new baby sister! Click HERE to check out the new Goes Family Website and some additional pictures of their newest addition!
So excited to hold the blow dryer
Sweet Feet
Fish out of water -- poor Flounder
